Sometimes Life Gets in the Way

Have you ever realized that sometimes, life gets in the way of all the things we want to do?  I want to be a good and consistent blogger.  I enjoy writing and hope that my writing can help just one person.  If so, then it's all worth it. 

But sometimes, that Life thing gets in the way.  These last few weeks, life has been both my joy and my irritation.  I have attended school events, parties, practices for the church musical, dinners, visited with friends from out of town and all other fun things that take up time.  But I've also been doing a lot of laundry, dishes, spring cleaning, organizing, and other not-so-fun things that have taken my time.  And one thing that hasn't taken much time?  Blogging.  For that I apologize.  But I also know that since those who do read this blog are also moms and wives, you all understand.  You know how life can get crazy and leave you so little time that when you do get 5 minutes, the last thing you want to do is sit at the computer and think.  Again.

Thankfully, my mind is feeling refreshed after the blogging break.  I have all sorts of ideas in my head and stories to share.  Hopefully, I can get back in the swing of things and get cracking here again.  I hope you'll still stick with me and if you feel so moved, share me with your friends and family.  I promise to have some good things coming up very soon.  Until then...

How am I here?

Do you ever sit and wonder, "How did I get to where I am today? How am I old enough to have a husband, house, bills, 3 kids, all those adult responsibilities?" I'll admit that I think like that not often, but a few times a year maybe? Sometimes I think those thoughts during hard times, wondering how things can be like this and longing for the naivete and relative simplicity of the teen years. Other times, I think like this while things are good, wondering how I can be so lucky to have all that I do.

I'm not the only one who thinks this, right?  I know sometimes I don't feel I'm old enough to be my age, so maybe that's it.  Sometimes I do feel a little wistful of friends who have all the toys and money, but not the kids or house or responsibility.  Sometimes I feel like I'm 75 and have lived an entire lifetime.  But never do I wish that things were different.  Never do I wish that I didn't have the house, even when I'm scraping together the mortgage payment.  Never do I wish that I didn't have 3 kids, even when they are driving me CRAZY.  Never do I wish a minute apart from my husband, even if he's crabby and tired. 

But sometimes, I do wonder.  Where would I be right now if I hadn't taken my husband back, all those years ago, when we broke up in our late teens?  What would I be doing if I'd decided to go to the huge university I was accepted at instead of the smaller U, closer to home?  How would my life be changed had I made one decision differently than I did?

It's not good to dwell on the "what ifs" of life.  I know that.  But if we're all being honest with ourselves, we've all wondered.  On a bad day, we've maybe thought, "My life would be so different if I hadn't let X happen."  But on a good day, we've maybe thought, "I'm so glad that I did Y, because otherwise I wouldn't have Z."  It's normal and it's human to think like that.  So if you have thought these thoughts--it's okay!  It means that you are human and you realize that almost every decision you make can be life changing.  Sure, deciding to have the chicken sandwich instead of the cheeseburger may not be life changing.  But you never know...maybe that cheeseburger is made with contaminated beef.  Or the chicken is under-cooked and gives you salmonella.  You never know.  Just sayin'. 

So the next time you feel like "How am I here?"  Just think back on all you've been through, smile and be confident in the decisions you've made.  You're doing just fine.  And if something needs to change, know that you have the ability to change it.

Checking Out

For the last few days, I checked out of the real world.  I laid in bed, slept for hours and hours, and did absolutely nothing constructive.  Now, I wish I could say I was on vacation and that's how I chose to spend it.  Unfortunately, that's not the case.  The real story is that I woke up on Sunday with some sciatic pain that lasted all day.  By Monday morning the pain was gone, but a dull headache had filled it's place.  By mid-day on Monday, it was a full-blown migraine.  It was my worst one yet, and it lasted into Tuesday as well.

I don't know if you have ever had a migraine, but they are the worst pain I can think of.  Hearing anything above a whisper is unbearable, any light makes you see spots, movement hurts, sitting or standing makes you dizzy, and your head pounds so hard that your stomach gets nauseous.  Yeah, they're that fun.  And then when it's finally over, the next day you feel better physically, but you are exhausted and weak and still in a bit of a fog--kinda like the day after the flu.  But even all that pain wasn't what hurt the worst.

So what did hurt worse than the excruciating migraine pain and effects?  Having to call my husband home from work to watch the kids.  Having to miss Picaso and Scrat's first swimming lesson--ever--that we were all so excited about.  Having to rely on my mother to transport Brainiac to basketball since it was at the same time as swimming.  Having to tell my kids that I couldn't hug or kiss them goodnight and they could only very lightly kiss my cheek.

It killed me to do or miss all of those things and have to pass the buck to other people.  I hated every second of laying there, basically in and out of consciousness, having to rely on other people to do what I should have been doing.  But if I've learned anything as a mom, it's that sometimes, I truly can't do it all.  Sometimes I have to turn to family and friends to help me out.  I may not like it, but it does make things better for me.  So hopefully you, too, have or will realize the same thing.  It's okay to ask for help when you need it.  It's not only okay, it may be the only chance you have to make it through.

Those Who Matter

I have been a mom for 10 years now.  Recently, our oldest daughter, Brainiac, celebrated her tenth birthday.  Our youngest daughter, Scrat, also recently celebrated a birthday.  We combined their "family and family friends" party into one and held it yesterday afternoon.  Everything went off just fine, but there were a few things that even just last year would have had me sweating bullets. What were they?

Nothing important.  Seriously, in the grand scheme of things these 2 or 3 imperfections were nothing important and yesterday, I took them as that.  But last year or 5 years ago, I would have been crying about them.  The difference?  I've honestly learned to live by the quote:

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind."

Yesterday, I didn't say or feel anything in particular.  But the second part of the quote was in my mind as I raced to finish up the cleaning and the baking, and fretted that the frosting wasn't being cooperative on the darn beautiful butterfly cake.  See, we were gone all day Saturday at a family function and then had church yesterday morning, so I had about 3 hours between church and the party to finish everything up and bake a cake. 

"These people are our family and friends.  They will not care about the dog-nose prints still on the window, or that the floor was only swept, not mopped.  And if they do care...that's their problem."

I'm telling you, if you can honestly feel this and live it, it's absolutely freeing!  My stress about yesterday's party was so low, even with 30 people in my house, nose prints on the window and frosting that wasn't perfectly smooth.  We all had a great time and no one mentioned anything.  As a matter of fact, Scrat told me that the cake was "Perfect!  Mommy, it's so beufiful!" I think that's all I need.